My Capstone Final Paper

 What a relief to almost be done with my bachelor’s degree! There have been so many good theories that I have learned from, but there is one in particular that stands out to me that has helped me to understand the world that I live in, as well as why it has taken so long for me to even get my degree. The theory of anomie was first proposed by Emile Durkheim while discussing how societies expectations of behavior and values are unclear and why the system has broken down the way that it has due to a lack of direction. Durkheim was the sociologist responsible for proposing the theory of functionalism, which is a social theory that counters conflict theory. Functionalism is associated with capitalism. Conflict theory is associated with socialism. However, in today’s society, both of them tend to overlap, but the theory of anomie remains present in both due to us living in a culturally Marxist, capitalist democracy that is becoming more and more divided from an oversupply of options and/or specialties in education or workforce. This is why Durkheim predicted information would divide people through Capitalism, and Marx predicted an epidemic of overproduction that extends to materials as well as ideas and information. It does take an education to know these things, so I am glad I got one.

            Robert Merton took the theory of anomie a step further into his deviance theory, where he discussed how if social ideologies are unclear, but if economic needs are not being met, then there will be heavy component of deviancy among populations in society. Without having a structuralized set of moral standards, and a way to achieve those standards, anomie will then take place, which is a strain put upon people to behave in ways that deviate from traditional standards, like how I turned to the sex industry in my early 20’s instead of a low-paying after school or summer job. Anomie is also the reason it has taken so long for me to graduate, as society has not really had clear goals put in place for me, and, like many other young people, most the jobs that I felt my degree would lead to all seemed so meaningless to me. Where I found meaning was through my education. While learning about the struggles of intellectuals battling what felt to them like the world, I found a relatability and a desire to contribute to society in a way that would not just be introspective, like therapy has offered me, but through the generation, and mainly the connection, of ideas, like my education has prepared me to do.

            By pairing my schooling with self-help, I owe a lot of my academic success to 12 step meetings. I learned a lot in those rooms and can safely say that I have felt the serenity promised. Going to a structured community, like Breaking Free and all the 12 step programs, like Codependency Anonymous, Sex Addicts Anonymous, and Debtors Anonymous has helped me to make sense of cultural values that have instilled me with more direction than I would otherwise have achieved in what feels like a societal free-fall through options that a conflicted society has imposed on me, but not actually fully provided me with. Sometimes it feels like living in this 21^st century society can be like standing in the line with a shopping cart full of things but not having my wallet at the checkout. It seems more intentionally unfair than that though, as the top-down initiatives of conflict theory, which overlaps our functionalist society have arranged for people like myself to have been ripped off. I chose that word because that is the reality of what is being handed out, people are truly being ripped off by the elite.

            I have gained a lot of knowledge about society through my studies as well as my times that I have spent in self-reflection while trying to complete my studies. Every time I took time off of school to work…if only on myself and my mental health, I have achieved a lot. Whether it was from getting mindfulness writing done, or the complete opposite of that, like my many psychiatric hospitalizations due to pinched nerves that were being set off through the stress that was imposed on me that was triggering intense agitation, I did it. I have a conversion disorder, so I’m considered disabled. I actually am on social security and I’m very fortunate for it because there are many jobs that I could not do due to my bipolar disorder, as well as the nervous system disorder that I have that causes pain so intense that I have stress seizures. 

My education inspired self-education, so I read a book called “The Midnight Disease: The Drive to Write, Writer’s Block, and the Creative Brain” by Alice W. Flaherty. This entire book summed me up while helping me to understand my own brain and justify my lengthy mental health background in an optimistic way. Same goes to the book “A First Rate Madness: Uncovering the Links Between Leadership and Madness” by Nassir Ghaemi, with me being seen as a leader in thought among my peers. I am very fortunate to be as resilient as I am, like the books imply madness can lead to. I have even been called “brilliant” by three professors! Those times were good, but I’ve had bad times. Although I grew up in a modern home in Excelsior, I have also experienced things like self-induced homelessness to help with my creative potential, since everyone that has taken an intro level philosophy class knows that the best philosophers were not Sophiest, aristocratic philosophers, but rather the Socrates of this world. 

I became homeless after dropping out of school to break free of my dysfunctional family and friends. Being homeless is also what drove me into the California Redwoods for 40 nights, which was very psychotic (with psychosis translating the root words to “soul-process”) of me to do so, considering that I was hearing the voice of God tell me to do it, and it was exactly what I needed to do. I have never struggled with drug addiction since then. I also managed to make myself stand apart from other writers, even though I have not published much yet, the fact that I did something like that has set me apart, as well as helped me to overcome desire through a long fast. With desire being the source of suffering, according to the Buddha, who was one of my inspirations for an ascetic lifestyle in my early 20’s, along with other religious figures who have greatly inspired me in classes, helping me to overcame desire and therefore sufferings.

            There have been so many classes that I have taken that have complimented this understanding of society in a more objective way and made it less about me and more about the fields of my interest and how my wisdom from experience can contribute to those fields in a way that is not as subjective as it otherwise would have been without me having had the education that I have received. I have been particularly inspired by my class on Protests and Social change, Deviance and Social Control, American Nature Writing, Political Patterns and Processes, World Politics, Psychology of Leadership, and basically just all of them. I loved all my classes so much! The most helpful aspect of my education though was really to teach me to get outside of myself. I grew up exposed to a lot of upper-middle class narcissism, which just plagues the Minnetonka area, so I learned from a young age, particularly when I was in rehab at the age of 16, that grandiosity is a very bad thing. I learned that I will be a very sick person as long as I continued along with my own grandiosity or an inability to ask for help or contribute. 

            Although I have a lot to toot my own horn about, with such great power, even if it is only power over myself, comes great responsibility. That is a responsibility to humanity and giving back! In addiction psychology, people learn while sobering up that you cannot maintain your sobriety as long as you are not contributing to the community through service work. That is why I intensely identify as a humanitarian and induce all types of experiences for my writing into the genre of interpretive sociology, which is what I consider my books to be about, since I don’t really always like to use the term memoir, as that would imply that they are totally about me, when instead they are about my social environment and how that milieux has shaped me.

            As I reflect on a Meister Eckart’s quote, “As Above, So Below”, I think about a fractal-like system of society that has been the true, actual trickling down of a mindset caught up in anomie and flux, as in the dysfunctional power structures that have not only defined themselves, but also defined me, as well as my education and the frustrations I have felt while acquiring it.

The powers that be are conflicted and dysfunctional, just like me, driving rational thinkers into insanity, which can also a source of such wisdom once the dissonance is overcome. My former criminality and the criminality of others is a direct response to the deviancy of unfair system of power. When I see the bipolar-like change of a bipartisan system changing from one course to another, like in the case of the police reform, it is very clear to me that the power dynamics are not well off, and yet a pay raise probably won’t make the police that way, but it’s a good motive for getting the police force back in service. I just don’t think the police are the true villains in society as much as it is the economic issues that have plagued the masses. Rather than just paying the police, the nation should ensure that the impoverished black communities, who are supposedly committed the crimes, should also be paid for preventative measures.

It is completely unfair that black communities in America have been ripped off as much as they have. I’m reminded of a mostly black homeless shelter that I stayed in in Chicago, dubbing them the world’s forgotten people. I had never seen anything like that, but with no parents to save them (or parents to save), those people do not have help, not the government, and most certainly not the police, and it is not police reform that will change that, but rather a society that needs to change at large, but only the application of knowledge will make it able.